ARC REVIEW: take it off the menu, by christina hovland

♡ an advance reader’s copy was kindly sent to me by the publisher. this doesn’t affect my opinion in any way ♡

Bodybuilder Chef with Apron on Naked Muscular Body♡ Take It Off The Menu, by Christina Hovland

♡ Published by Victory Editing Netgalley Co-Op, on August 23rd, 2019

♡ Series: Mile High Matched #3

♡ Genre: Adult Romance, Contemporary

Goodreads

★★☆☆☆

Saying “I Do” has never been such a mess.

Marlee Medford just got dumped. Yes, things have become ho-hum in her longtime relationship, but she was two days away from walking down the aisle with the man she thought was her forever when he called it off. Convincing herself that they’d be able to reignite their spark once the wedding craziness settled? That was easy. Suddenly finding herself without a fiancé? Not so much. Marlee needs to regain control of her life, and a weekend away with her friends is a solid first step.

One of Denver’s best up-and-coming chefs, perpetual bachelor Eli Howard, isn’t into serious relationships—especially the kind that ends in marriage. As if to prove his point that they aren’t worth the trouble, the wedding he was supposed to be catering just fell apart. Feeling oddly protective of the jilted bride—his little sister’s best friend—his weekend plans now involve a trip to Sin City with her group of friends. But it looks like he had a bit too much fun in Vegas when he wakes up married…wedding night included.

Marlee’s attempts at getting her life back together are failing miserably. Her ex-fiancé is taking the house, her chihuahua is intent on a love affair with Eli’s sneakers, and she’s now accidentally hitched to the guy who can’t even say the word marriage. With their quickie annulment denied, Eli and Marlee just have to hang tight until the divorce goes through. It’s just a little divorce amongst friends, what’s the worst that could happen?

Take It Off the Menu is book three of the Mile High Matched series, but stands alone and can be read in any order. If you love a hunky caterer and an accidental marriage, this book is for you! Buy now for a fun, friends-to-lovers romance!

let’s just say i’m glad i finished this book.

TAKE IT OFF THE MENU was probably the messiest, most this-can’t-get-any-more-ridiculous-but-somehow-it-does book i have ever read. it follows marlee, who’s perfect life is thrown off the window when she gets dumped by her boyfriend two days before their marriage. her friends decide to take her to vegas to get over it. next morning, BOOM! she’s married to her best friend’s brother, eli.

i mean, yes, the book looked amazing, and it really had great potential, but i went in for more than what i got. the story was completely forgettable, i felt nothing special coming out of it while reading it. in fact, i had a hard time getting into it, especially in the first 30% of the book. and as the story goes, the plot kept getting messier and messier. i kept reading, wishing somehow it would get better; it didn’t.

i think the story is also supposed to be funny, but i found most scenes just cringy (except for one scene or not which i did find amusing). i think the reason behind that is that the chemistry between the characters (especially the main two) felt forced. i really didn’t feel any connection to any of the characters whatsoever, and wasn’t rooting for the romance. i did however like the friendships, and how the characters were always there for each other.

but what caught my attention the most, is some of the lines i came across, which i couldn’t believe i was reading:

“He took the most masculine sip of fizzy booze that he could manage” -Chapter Four

okay first of all, what the hell is a masculine sip of fizzy booze supposed to mean? i mean i’m not into drinks but i know for sure there isn’t a masculine one.

“Marlee didn’t have the fake breasts that one might expect on a socialite with her kind of money” -Chapter Seven

“[…]Her breasts heavy and real. Laugh lines starting to etch around the corners of her eyes that many in her world would’ve Botoxed away. But Marlee didn’t. They were part of who she was. Yes, she was real.”-Chapter Fifteen

these lines are straight-up shaming women who decide to do surgery, questioning their “real-ness”, and just being completely useless in the story. this is just putting women in some kind of boxes. i’m just…wow.

i may have not paid attention to some other lines in the book, but these are the ones that made me stop and question whether i should finish it or just drop it and move on to something else.

overall, to say i’m disappointed in this book is an euphemism. i expected a fun and cute rom-com and i got…this. i really had other expectations going into it. i just couldn’t wait to be done with it, and i even conisdered just dropping it altogether. oh well…

3 Replies to “ARC REVIEW: take it off the menu, by christina hovland”

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